I've always dreamed about going to the beach
It's actually quite saddening that it isn't within my reach But a few days ago, my dream finally came true This daughter of the sea had stopped being so blue With the sight of the sand, I felt excited With the sight of the waves, I was more than delighted I inhaled every bit of this wonderful place Full of love, beauty and grace Though the experience felt more like a dream, It was something I needed to boost my confidence and self-esteem It was my breather, my rest Now, I can finally be the best Today, I go back to dreaming again But at least I have these memories to hold unto until then Thank you Hino for making me happy I'll be back soon, please do wait for me Ann
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I know it's been a while since my last blog entry (a year to be exact). I don't know, I guess I've just been a bit pre-occupied lately, but here I am again because... I missed this. I missed this online journal I used to update every now and then. It was my safe space, a place where I could be my most "authentic" self, without worrying about what other people would think of me. I could write what I want, share what I want, and it gave me some sort of comfort in this crazy, crazy world.
Anyway, the last time I posted an entry here, it was all about living with constant fear and anxiety because of the current COVID situation that is yet to go away. As I write, my family and I have experienced around five COVID scares already, and though you would think that, by now, we should have gotten used to it already, no... the fear and anxiety is still very much there but we try our hardest to battle it by taking good care of our health and putting our faith in the Lord. 2021 hasn't been any different than 2020. If anything, it's probably even worse because of the different COVID variants developing. So far, the Delta variant is the worst, being eight times more infectious than the original strain. Despite the frequent changing of community quarantine statuses and lockdowns, the only way to effectively deal with this pandemic is to improve and hasten the vaccination programs of our country. I don't even want to expound on this anymore, because the entire situation is extremely frustrating. Being a part of the A4 priority group or "frontline personnel in essential sectors" (and being asthmatic which is a commorbidity as well), I was very fortunate to have received the first dose of the AstraZeneca vaccine last June. I did experience some post-vaccination symptoms including chills, headaches that would come and go, general body tiredness, and felt a bit feverish, but I was glad to know that it was my body's way of "accepting" the vaccine in order to combat COVID. After a day, I was back to normal. In our family, my brother is the only one who has been fully vaccinated. My mom and dad are still waiting for their turn, and I can only pray that it comes sooner so they can be protected as well. COVID isn't going away anytime soon, so being vaccinated is a MUST. Though it does not guarantee that you won't get the virus, but at least if you do, your symptoms will be mild and most importantly, YOU WILL NOT DIE. I've always been longing for the day when this will all be over. When we can finally spend time with our loved ones, travel and not worry about getting sick. As of the moment, the idea seems far-fetched, but I know that it is possible. For the mean time, we must do our part to stop its transmission, especially to the most vulnerable members of our society. It sucks that this update had been taken over by COVID again, but this is our reality and though it would be a lot better to just ignore it, we will always have to put our experiences out in the open so that people will learn from it. I just hope that the next time I feel like writing another blog entry, it will be about something else. Something more hopeful and positive, kay kakapoy na. We all need to move forward from this already. With the rising cases of local transmission in Bacolod and the province of Negros Occidental and relatives of relatives dying of the corona virus, I have been living my life with constant fear and anxiety.
So many questions continue to fill my mind; "why did this have to happen, am I going to get it, will the people I love get it, what if they do, until when do we have to endure all of this?" are just some of them. Today, as I write this entry, I have never felt so down and unmotivated in my entire life, and it's pretty funny because this comes along with the preparations for our International Youth Day and Linggo ng Kabataan celebration which is slated for next week. Admittedly, I can get pretty distracted with the things I have to do, but whenever I have some alone time, I'm taken back to the COVID-19 situation of the country, and just like that, I find myself spiraling down again. As a person who has always been so generally positive about life, sometimes, I can't help but feel guilty for feeling like this way, like I should "walk the talk" that I share to the listeners of my podcast about having a sunny disposition in life, but then again, I am reminded every single day, that I am only human and that I have my off days as well. I'm not always in the mood to talk to other people, to smile, to laugh, nor to act as if everything is going to be okay because I know that it isn't. Whenever I go on social media, I am bombarded with how our government has been dealing with the pandemic, and I can't help but feel frustrated. There are so many things I want to say, but at this point, most especially with the Anti Terror Law on full blast, I have chosen to keep these thoughts to myself and to only share them to the people I trust the most. Kabudlay na nga daan subong. Basi mapriso ta bala alang-alang haw. I've been wanting to deactivate my Facebook and Twitter accounts for so long already, but can't seem to do so because I need them for work and for rant purposes, so yup, I have no other choice but to hold all of this in. But when I feel like I have nobody else to run to, when even the company of my loved ones and my coping mechanisms aren't working anymore, the person I think about most is the Lord and Mama Mary. I know I've never been the very religious type, but I can definitely say that this pandemic has made my faith stronger. I have been praying a lot more frequently now, releasing all of my negative thoughts and worries to God, hoping that He can ease them through guidance and protection every single day. I remember the homily of Father Reginald Malicdem of the Manila Cathedral last Sunday where he said that we should learn to see and feel the Lord in the ordinary things and blessings that we experience in our daily lives, like the way we wake up every single day, how our senses and faculties are still intact, and how we can still eat three times a day. Looking at it based on the situation I'm in right now, I have seen and felt the Lord in the sense that up until this very day, despite being out for work and chores, as well as interacting with other people, the virus has not affected myself nor all of my loved ones. Also, the Lord has granted healing to our relatives that had the virus and continues to do all these silent gestures of protection that I know nothing about. When I first thought about writing this entry, I didn't think I would end it on such a religious note, but I just wanted to say this. Whenever you're feeling tired or weary, always remember that you have God to talk to and pray to. You may think He's invisible and that He doesn't hear your prayers, but He does and will grant them in His perfect time. Even if it's so difficult to put our faith and trust in Him with all these bad things happening every single day, let's do just that because the Lord is all that we have. Honestly, observing all those safety protocols have shielded me from harm, but without the Lord, the worst could have happened already. Sure, I may be living with constant fear and anxiety and I guess that will never go away up until this pandemic is finally over, but the Lord will make things bearable and I'm glad I have Him, that we have Him. Due to the sudden rise of COVID-19 positive cases in the Philippines, the national government announced that Metro Manila was going to be placed under ECQ or Enhanced Community Quarantine for an entire month. This basically meant that nobody was allowed to go out of their houses not unless they really needed to, and had quarantine passes (one per household) to be used for the purchasing of the family's basic needs like groceries, gas for their car/s and buying medicines. Malls and restaurants were closed, companies have decided to let their employees work from home, and of course the school year ended a bit earlier than usual. Sadly, due to this pandemic, no commencement exercises were done for Batch 2020. But still, I'd like to extend my congratulations to all the graduates. In the province of Negros Occidental, it had only been last week where our governor declared that the entire province was also on a state of Enhanced Community Quarantine after having confirmed that there were more than five cases of COVID-19 in Bacolod, which is the capital of the province. As I write this blog entry, we are already on the sixth day of ECQ here in the province, and honestly, I'm torn between accepting and denying the so-called "new normal" of the world due to this pandemic. Suddenly, daily routines have been disrupted, some have lost their jobs and are relying solely on the government's aide for their basic necessities, and lastly, people are dying from this virus which is the saddest part of all of this. Sometimes I wished this was all just a bad dream, but it isn't, and the most that I can do as a citizen of this country is to stay home, so I can help with flattening the COVID-19 curve. While at home, I try to be as productive as I can be. I write, make coffee (ehem Dalgona lover over here), try out simple recipes that I find on YouTube, sing and play the ukulele a bit, communicate with the boyf and my friends, watch K-Dramas and even practice manual driving just around the subdivision (thanks Daddy-o). Basically, that's how my day usually goes and although I enjoy every bit of it, there's no denying that I miss being in the outside world and just having a social life in general. Being more of an extrovert, the first few days (and even until now) of quarantine were really tough, but then I simply psyched and assured myself that in time, everything would go back to normal. I just had to trust the process and to trust in the Lord. As a public servant, my SK Council and I initiated this project called, "OPLAN BULIG NI SK KONTRA COVID-19". Through this project, we hope to extend help to the members of our community by providing them with supplies that will "shield" them from the virus, some of which are bars of soap for handwashing (and even bathing), vitamins and washable face masks. Despite not being able to spend our 10% SK Fund, our mayor and some private individuals which include my parents, were all kind and generous enough to donate these supplies to support our cause. To date, we have already visited almost 10 sitios in our barangay and hope to help even more in the days to come. Despite this, the question still remains. Until when will this pandemic take hold of our daily lives? We can only hope that a cure will be developed and released really, really soon because if not, the COVID-19 virus will always be just there, waiting to infect its next victim.
My thoughts and prayers go out to all our frontliners, from our medical personnel, men and women in uniform, up to those who continuously work despite this crisis, those who have been infected with COVID-19, all the PUIs and PUMs, their families, and those who have died from the virus. May the Lord continue to protect all those who are in this battle and may He grant eternal rest to those who have gone ahead. Let us all continue praying not just for our country, but for the entire world, that in God's perfect time, everything will be back to normal and we'll look back to this phase in our life and say with much relief and pride, "That was tough, but I'm glad I survived". A few days ago, I had an interesting conversation over coffee with my college friends.
We happened to stumble upon the topic of "open relationships" and its implications to those who choose to engage in it. But what exactly is an open relationship? Is it cool or not cool? |
hola!The name's Archives
August 2021
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